Today in sacrament meeting, I was pondering the years of a self-inflicted sentence stretching out before me.
YEARS of not really hearing sacrament speakers, spending time in the halls trying to make sure it is a punishment and not any fun, attempting so hard to maintain reverence during the sacrament that I don't even have a chance to ponder its meaning. Years of sacrament meeting meaning a wrangling match with children who are missing their naps rather than spiritual replenishment.
As I was pondering this in a brief moment of serenity (it was Landon's turn for hall duty...I took mine ten minutes before), the sun must have made a quick appearance in the otherwise grey Oregon skies. Light shone in through a set of side windows, offering up for just a minute a symbol of hope to me.
I remember years ago, when I was in high school, sitting on a bench in my place of solace and escape... It was a difficult time for me, for various reasons, and I found myself seeking solitude at a park in my neighborhood frequently. This particular day, under grey skies not unlike Oregon's (minus the constant threat of rain), I sat reading John Keats. I came across a poem titled To Hope. As I read this poem, I looked up. Right at that moment, across the valley, the clouds were breaking, and glorious rays were falling over Kennicott and the valley floor.
Elder Bednar once spoke about the tender mercies of the Lord. I am grateful for a God who is mindful of me always, even when I don't deserve such simple mercy. I am grateful for His reminders to me that there is hope and meaning in my life. That there is light.
6 comments:
A lot of Sundays I get home from church and think what did anyone in sacrament talk about today? I didn't hear any of it. There are days that I wonder why we even go cause we'll be in the hallway anyway but it shows my kids how important church is to me and it shows Heavenly Father how important he is to me. One day I'll be able to sit and listen to an entire sacrament meeting, it just won't be for many, many years! :)
Thanks for sharing Heather! I feel your pain...though mine now extends beyond Sacrament meeting and right on into the nursery as I take on my toddler x 10 for the remaining two hours of church. I can't even begin to tell you what kind of bad church experience I had today....so I'm first of all, glad to hear I'm not the only one, and second of all, glad for the hope and reassurance that you seemed to find before I could. Thanks for passing it along. :)
Is it okay for me to take comfort in your moment of hope? Thanks for sharing!
Good good thought Heather. Yesterday I went to sacrament meeting by myself while Stan stayed home with the sick little ones and I was amazed at how fast the sacrament went, it was so nice to get to just sit and enjoy it!
Now that Mia is in nursery I thought I'd get sooo much more out of my church meetings... Relief Society definitely I do... but Sunday School sometimes I wish I had a screaming child to take out into the hallways...haha
Girls, don't you just love motherhood?!
Don't worry, someday you will be empty nesters and wonder why it feels so strange to sit by your husband and not have children sitting between the two of you, and your son is not sitting with his head in your lap (even at age 18)!
The adage of 'enjoying the moment' is so true, because there will come a time when you don't have these great stories about your childen and their ups-and-downs to share...they will be adults and writing about their experiences with their children...turnabout is fair play!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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