On Mormon Mommy Bloggers (prepare yourself, it's long....)

Last night, I was rocking Susie to sleep singing Goodnight My Angel (well, the parts of it I can remember at least).  I was thinking about this sweet baby.  About how someday, she'll get older and she won't think I'm the best thing in the world.  Sometimes she won't even like me!  And while she is growing up, there will be disappointments and griefs and challenges in her life.  Which make them disappointments, griefs and challenges in MY life.  There will be times this baby girl will cry (for something other than her brother squashing a tote on her head so hard it left a big red welt), and I won't be able to make it better.  And someday she will grow up and leave me.  I think motherhood (parenthood) is really almost equal parts heartbreak and joy.  Plus love like you never knew before you became a mother (parent).  I thought about the person I am becoming by experiencing such love, joy and little bits of heartbreak.  I thought about how lucky I am.


A few days ago, a friend sent me this link.  I've thought a lot about that article and what I have to say about it.  Let me be clear, at this point.  I did enjoy the article, I don't think this woman is a moron and my response is not an attack of any kind.  I just have some things to say.  (Though, Ben, I think you summed it up well in saying,"Sure, there is a slight condescension in her voice at times, but it's still mostly positive...")


First, she says, "As someone married to a former Saint (my husband left the church as a teenager), I certainly have no illusions about what life as a Mormon would be like, and I'm sure it's not for me, which makes my obsession with these blogs all the more startling."  No offense, but I don't think she has any idea what it means to be a Mormon.  I'm just sayin'.  


Then she says, "And don't even get me started on the Mommy Blogs, which make parenthood seem like a vale of judgment and anxiety, full of words like "guilt" and "chaos" and "BPA-free" and "episiotomy." Read enough of these, and you'll be ready to remove your own ovaries with a butter knife."  Fine, whatever, I've posted enough of those stories myself.  But when it is then followed up later in the article with a statement such as "Mormon bloggers like Holbrook make marriage and motherhood seem, well, fun. Easy. Joyful. These women seem relaxed and untouched by cynicism."   Or "As my friend G. says, of her fascination with Mormon lifestyle blogs, 'I'm just jealous. I want to arrange flowers all day too!' She doesn't, really. She's just tired from long days spent in the lab, from a decade of living in a tiny apartment because she's too poor from student loans to buy a house, from constant negotiations about breadwinning status with her artist husband. It's not that she or I  want to quit our jobs to bake brownies or sew kiddie Halloween costumes. It's just that for G., Mormon blogs are an escapist fantasy, a way to imagine a sweeter, simpler life."  
Okay, so the poop, puke and drool stories make you think we do nothing but arrange flowers all day?!  I guess I'm just not sure "they" have a good grasp on what our lives are really like.


And then she said this: "Some pundits see this as a sign that young women yearn to return to some kind of 1950s Ozzie and Harriet existence, that feminism has "failed," that women are realizing they can't have it all, after all.  That view is utterly nonsense..."  Okay, let me climb onto the soapbox (any other BYU graduates who remember the soapbox on Thursday in Brigham Square?), and get situated.  Okay, ready.  WE CAN'T HAVE IT ALL.  I'm just sayin'.  We can't have it all, all at the same time.  You want to try "having it all" all at once?  Okay, prepare yourself for feeling mediocre at everything and exhausted 90% of the time.  I am certainly not without other ambitions, believe me.  But at this stage of my life, I am a stay at home mother. I realize not everyone can make that choice, but I can.  And because I can, my energies and attentions can more fully go toward raising my children and making our home and family life as peaceful, loving and wonderful as possible.


"Enter the Mormon bloggers, with their picture-perfect catalog lives. It is possible to be happy, they seem to whisper. We love our homes. We love our husbands."  Makes us sound like the Stepford Wives, No?  Anyway, of course, as expected, the author then brings up the question, but are they REALLY happy?  It's valid question, definitely.  And maybe I'm just feeling incredibly secure these days, but I think by and large the answer is YES.  I won't deny the reality of depression.  I've been there myself, and it felt dark and hopeless.  And I won't argue that there aren't pressures placed upon us as Mormon women.  But those are often of our own making, or even imagining.    I think overall, Mormon women are forgiving of each other's faults, understanding of each other's situations and supportive of each other's dreams.  We're not perfect.  But we're not hateful, competitive Stepford wives either.


This article also made me think about who I am as a Mormon Mommy Blogger, what I blog about and what I hope to accomplish by blogging.  Admittedly, for most of my blogging history, I was determined that this blog was about ME.  Not my kids. ME.  Well, now I have another blog for that.  Did you notice my header no longer says "The Ipson family, Landon, Heather, Dallin & Susie...but mostly just Heather"?  When I revamped my blog (oh, by the way, on that blog I was talking about that IS about me, I'm going a blog design giveaway.  Go enter.), I just didn't feel it applied anymore.  I guess I really am a Mormon Mommy Blogger.


And so I like crafts!  Is there something wrong with that?!  Does that make me inferior in some way?! It gives me a great sense of fulfillment, creating something beautiful that wasn't there before.  I don't do it to show off (though I guess having a blog about all my projects might make it seem like that), or to make someone else feel un-talented or whatever.  I do it because I love it.  (And I really love reading other craft blogs....it's so fun and interesting to see what people come up with!!!)


The biggest question that this article raised for me was what I hope to accomplish by my blogging.  Well......not much!  I have no lofty goals.  I hope to keep interested parties abreast of the happenings of our lives.  I hope to share my ideas with others.  I hope to have a place to be honest about life.  Mostly, I just want an outlet to tell people (those who care, anyway) what I am thinking.  Like right now.  But I do hope that my blog(s) will be one of those that does "help women like me envision a life in which marriage and motherhood could potentially be something other than a miserable, soul-destroying trap..."  Because this woman didn't get to rock her sweet baby to sleep last night, pondering the heartbreaks and joys of being the mommy.  She doesn't know what it is like to love a child so much it feels like part of your heart beats with theirs.  She doesn't know the beauty and consecration of sacrifice for those babies.  I hope that the take-home message of my blog will be that "family is wonderful, life is meant to be enjoyed, [and to] celebrate the small things."