I am, I know that. Some people have cute blogs with backgrounds they change with the seasons and holidays. Some people blog almost every day.
I don't.
But today, for some reason, I am feeling it. But I really do have nothing to write about.
So, I'm going to start with some honesty. We all know if I'm anything, I'm honest. Blunt, perhaps.
I'm tired today. Life is too busy for me. I honestly cringe at the thought of baby number two because I know it will just get worse! And will I have any time for me?! It's selfish, perhaps, but it is the truth. Maybe someday I will be a more selfless person. But not today. I miss my husband. It's funny, the first year of law school is supposed to be the worst. For us, this year has been much harder. Landon's schedule is just different, and he does have a lot more on his plate. It's hard. I'm feeling like a "law school widow" this year, where as last year it wasn't so bad. I just pray and pray and pray that this won't be life. I can endure it through school, but what if his career is like this? We don't think it will be, so for now, I'm just looking forward to being done with law school.
I feel like I'm not being the best mom I can be. Running this business takes too much of my attention. The biggest issue is that I am preparing for Christmas. Making Christmas cards. The other issue is that I am opening up a gift shop on my website to sell my handmade jewelry and vinyl lettering. And I am launching it on the 31st of this month. Well, maybe the first of November instead.........that would give me an extra day! I try to just work while Dallin is asleep and Landon is gone, but a lot of times, my work leaks into my time with Dallin/Landon and our time as a family. It's hard and frustrating at times, and then I wonder why I started this to begin with. But....I enjoy it. I started this for creative fulfillment. I just have to remind myself of that constantly. So let's just all pray I make it to Christmas.
I also worry that all you, my friends, are slipping through my fingers because I don't call, I don't write. I do think of you often, if that is worth anything. I miss you terribly. It hurts me that so many people who were once a very important part of my life.......are hardly in it anymore. And I can't blame anyone for it. I just need to try harder. I WANT to try harder.
Sorry for the somewhat glum post. I should realize that when anyone says, "Be honest," it is kind of implied that whatever comes out won't be positive.
So let's be positive and honest at the same time.
Fall in Oregon is breathtaking. The sunny days, anyway. The leaves are flaming all around me, the crisp air in my lungs, the sense of harvest and fulfilment pervading the atmosphere....and a sense of anticipation for the holiday season ahead, the times of family, thanksgiving and rejoicing. It fills my soul. I wish autumn lasted longer. I feel renewed by it. I'm trying to suck it all into my every pore, to store it up for the difficult months ahead (starting in January, when the rain continues non-stop and there is not much to look forward to). I LOVE FALL.
I do feel an overarching sense of peace about life. Despite the tense times economically and politically, I feel that things are going to be okay. Everything will work out. It may not be easy, but I will be able to handle anything that may happen. I don't remember precisely where I first heard this, but "fear is the opposite of faith." I decided a month ago, I will not be afraid. I am trying to have more faith. And so far, it's going pretty well.
My love to you all. Thanks for listening.
5 comments:
Oh Heather! First of all, at least you HAVE a blog (unlike some of us, aka: me). And secondly, I can't believe you don't think it's "cute" enough! Yours is one of the most impressive blogs I've seen, and it's very you, so please don't get down on yourself about that or stress about having to make it better.
Secondly, I know exactly how you feel about losing touch with friends. I feel the same way. It's important to remember that friends think about each other and are concerned about each other, even though we don't always have the time to tell one another that, you know?
Finally, I am so proud and so impressed with your creative/business endeavors. I think it is an amazing, (albeit difficult) thing that is so like the ambitious woman you are. I know that you have the wisdom to recognize if it ever takes too much time away from your family and taking the time to appreciate the world around you.
(Amen to the enjoyment of autumn weather. It rejuvenates me as well.)
Just know that I love you!
What to say? I love you! Does that work? :) Motherhood is hard and I think all of us Mommys can agree on that point! Just keep plugging away. I find that when I consciously take the time to sit on the floor and play peek-a-boo, or read books over and over again with Adam, that it brightens my day and makes me remember how lucky I am to be able to be on the floor with him in the middle of the day instead of sitting at a desk in an office and missing my baby. So, my advice....take time to soak in your precious Dallin and forget about the other stuff for a while. There's something about playing with your baby and forgetting about everything else that rejuvinates your spirit!
Mary and Ambra are so nice...I was going to comment that you really are a terrible blogger! :) HaHa!!! I just want to see more pictures of Dallin! To be honest, the only reason that I blog so much is that every year I am going to get my blog printed into a book and use it as my journal. So instead of sitting down and writing in my journal I blog...thus way too much blogging! :)
I'm sorry Landon is gone so much, it sucks to feel like a single mom. Hey, have you contacted Tip Junkie about your business yet? She keeps adding new mom-preneuers and I keep looking for your business! :)
I'm not a 'mommy' yet so I can't understand that part. However, I do understand how it feels to be pulled away from the things you really love. Jared and I don't have much fun time together with both of us working. I appreciate your honest posts. It lets your friends know how you are really doing. Love you! Good luck with the Christmas season.
Yay for two blog posts in a row! You go Heather! Here's my thoughts. I'm sorry you are struggling with Landon being gone so much (I can sympathize there) and with being overwhelmed. Figure out what you need to do to make YOU happy first. Because if you're not happy then you aren't as good of a wife and mother. That being said, YOU time as a mom isn't as much as it used to be. So if things are cutting into your most important time with Landon and Dallin maybe take a step back and reevaluate priorities and I know that things will fall into place how they are supposed to. You are so brave to start out on the business venture. I don't think I could handle any more on my plate than being a wife and mom and having callings, etc. Maybe some of the things you have let go of (blogging, friends, etc.) would actually rejuvenate you and lift you up? Maybe try adding a little of those things back in...balance is tricky, but may be the key. You can do it! And you ultimately know where to turn for help. With His help you can do all things. :) Lots of love!!
Post a Comment