I have to say this somewhere. So I'm choosing the family blog I rarely post on, figuring the only people who follow it are people who have known me a long time and are willing to hear my side of things and not get offended.
Apparently being thin gives others the right to comment on your body.
People think they are being complimentary. It doesn't feel like that. It feels more like an invasion of privacy, of personal space. Way to make me self-conscious. Aside from that, it is never just a compliment. It is inevitably accompanied by something (spoken or unspoken) along the lines of it's-not-fair-you're-so-lucky-I-kind-of-hate-you-you-take-it-for-granted. Which leaves me feeling at best, awkward. At worst, guilty.
And then there are the "you don't NEED to exercise" comments. Right. Because aiming to be thin is the only reason for exercise. Not wanting to be fit, not trying to prevent the heart disease that runs my family, not wanting more energy, not wanting to take care of my body and keep my muscles from being weak and squishy, not wanting to prevent osteoporosis, diabetes, etc., not wanting to live a long HEALTHY active life. Nope, wanting to be "skinny" is the only reason for exercise. So since I'm already there, I don't "need" it.
My body is genetics accompanied by a moderate lifestyle. We eat lots of fruits and veggies, not a lot of processed and/or red meat, mostly whole grains, etc. We still like our treats, but we only drink soda on special occasions and we certainly don't have sweets every day. I exercise here and there (more in the summer when we're outside as a family all the time...though I'm working on improving my cold weather exercise for all the above reasons). And, as my doctor told me once, it's not so much my metabolism as a good grip on appropriate portion control. My normal, no extra effort everyday lifestyle added to my genetic inheritance equals my body. It is what it is.
Let me tell you a story. Once upon a time, there was a 12 year old girl with a pixie cut. She was used to being called things like Twig, Stick, Daddy Long Legs, etc. (kids are just so kind). But then one day, she was on vacation with her family in Jackson Hole. She was wearing denim shorts and a navy blue t-shirt. While trying on wetsuits for their whitewater rafting trip, she went in search of the young man helping them. In her absence, he returned and asked her mother, "Where did your son go?"
I was 12. The age of ultimate egocentric self-consciousness. It was one of the most humiliating moments of my young life. And it took me 16 years to have the courage to get a pixie cut again.
My body has overall changed little since high school. I blossomed into a C cup in college for some reason, which definitely helped me feel more like a woman (because, after all, "real" women have curves). And now, after THREE babies, I'm STILL all straight lines and angles, and I'm back down to barely an A cup. I still have the body of a prepubescent boy.
I have largely come to a point of acceptance of my body type. I'm comfortable enough in my own skin to sport a pixie....though I still try extra hard to accessorize when I have one... But it what it is. I am who I am. This is my body. Please leave it alone.
I guess my culminating point, my take home message here, is that it's not okay to comment on others' bodies, regardless of shape, size, whatever.
3 comments:
I know exactly why you just wrote this because I had the same thought when I read the comment on your facebook post. I was just talking to a friend the other day about another friend who is VERY thin. One would think she's got it easy. But, I know for a fact that she runs and goes to the gym A LOT. She orders salads at restaurants but she eats candy and sweets like nobody's business. She has a Diet Coke addiction. So yes, she looks fantastic, but I know she works at it and has a healthy dose of "I get to stuff myself full of candy while we watch Downton Abbey because I know I worked out today and that I'll work out tomorrow too and the rest of the time I've been appropriate in my food selections and portions". I guess my point is that it's human nature to want what we don't have and envy other people and think they have it easy. Maybe they do have it easier in one area of life. I'm sure in another they are looking at 'me' and wishing they had my life. I think you are a wonderful example of self-control and moderation and yes, you have some genetics on your side, but I know you eat a heck of a lot more healthy than a lot of us. Ahem...me. :) Love you friend!
You always want what you don't have and don't want what you have! I love that you went short again with your hair and would love to see it- double date?
I always loved your short hair in middle school cause I had short hair too- we were cool.
I am proud of your for your confidence and the well-said way of wording your feelings!
Yeah ... We live in a society where it's so easy to be NOT thin that we're all trained to admire those who ARE thin. Coming from a woman who has 50 pounds to lose after the toll of a combination of awful things, I know the pain and the self-consciousness of being judged for being fat. I know the desperation to hide from a cruel public, and see thin bodies the way an inmate might see someone living free. "You're so skinny!" is probably hurtful to you in the way silent looks of surprise/disgust or "subtle" hints about the benefits of healthy eating or exercise. Personally, I think we should all just call the freak down and stop seeing ourselves and everyone around us as bodies. It's not okay to comment on people's bodies, and it's even less okay that we are all so programmed by media and marketing and everything else to measure our worth or contribution to society based on what our bodies look like. Maybe some women like that kind of attention, but I agree with you ... I'm not one of them. Sorry this world is a place you're made to feel self-conscious in, my friend. I think you're fabulous. And I love reading your blog and facebook status updates. You write just like you talk. :)
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